when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
