The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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