I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
