Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
