Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
