I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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