your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
