Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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