I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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