hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
