I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
