On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
