hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
