How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
