I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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