oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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