you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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