You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
