Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hippo gnu deer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
