We're like a lot better than the average bears
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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