i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
