Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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