i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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