So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
