I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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