dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
