Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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