watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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