we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
