If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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