rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
