so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
