She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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