I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
