He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
