butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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