just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
