we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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