hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
