I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
