Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
