remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
