the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
