I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
