He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
