Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
