I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
