i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
