Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
