that's an acceptable place to lick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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