what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
