Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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