I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
