So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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