Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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